Pays to be police 'University' seeks to educate and refine the uncouth
By CHARITY BONNER
ST. CHARLES -- If you told a teenager today he was uncouth, you would probably get a blank stare, but a teenager in early 20th century America would have been offended. Eliza Jane University is hosting a Couth Camp to lend modern day young people a touch of refinement.
Couth Camp will teach kids proper etiquette for fine dining, the art of conversation and correspondence.
Paige Mucha, the instructor of Couth Camp says that although the course seeks to improve people, the main reason people need this kind of training is because it actually helps them forget themselves.
"It improves our own self-confidence so we can focus more on other people. Good manners are an important part of getting along with others. It is something that develops self-esteem so you can think about others instead of focusing on what you need to be doing," Mucha said.
Focusing on others is one thing many children can have difficulty in doing.
"A lot of kids know how to talk about themselves, but this course teaches them how to listen and respond. People don't want to be impressed, they want to be liked," Mucha said.
Improving life
Etiquette is a standard of appropriate behavior in a given situation. There are etiquette standards for how to behave at a party, how to set a table, how to behave on a nature trail, even how to behave at a nudist beach. According to Mucha, knowing proper etiquette is the easiest way to make yourself comfortable in any given social situation.
Robin Thompson, owner of the Etiquette Network in Pekin, Ill., has had clients ranging from Caterpillar, Bradley University and Northwestern Mutual. She has been teaching classes since 1983; she loves being able to see people grow in confidence, poise, charm and grace.
"I always say you are using good manners or bad manners. Manners are in use 24 hours a day so you are either using a good manner or bad manner at every moment of the day," Thompson said.
Manners can help propel someone forward in life, Thompson said.
"We all fear rejection. You can be competing against someone who is equally educated and very attractive, but good manners can really set you apart. You earn respect if you have good manners. Respect is something you can't buy. Money can't buy the respect that so many people crave, but good manners can. Manners just makes everything run so smoothly and much better," Thompson said.
When asked if she thought most people in society have manners, Thompson was hesitant.
"I would say most people think they do or want to ... it doesn't come naturally to most people. People need to practice good manners until they become habits. I'd say there is an area for improvement. At some point throughout the day, everyone uses good manners, they just to learn how to use them more often so they are using them all the time," Thompson said.
Manners can also be an equalizer in society.
"If you have good manners, you will treat everyone as if they were your equal. We always think we have to be nice to someone who is wealthy or has a high paying job or is a CEO, but how about the person who digs ditches, does road construction, someone we make think is inferior to us? People tend to think 'I am better than you,' but everyone gets treated equally in my book," Thompson said.
Although proper etiquette means considering others, it doesn't mean someone needs to be a softie or a pushover.
"Manners gives you power, but it is power you control. It is just handling the situation in a way that is not going to be disruptive. You can be strong, but I always equate good manners with power used properly," Thompson said.
The history of sloppy
According to Edith Vosefski, director of The Etiquette School of Northern Illinois, sloppy has become acceptable. Vosefski has been featured on Channel 7 and has published a children's book called Marianna's Little Book of Manners for Children.
She has led seminars on good manners at Devry and IIT. Over the past three years, she has taught courses in manners to more than 1,000 students. She says manners have changed since the pre-1960s; but that some major corporations are trying to shift the etiquette back.
"Back then, anybody who had any education was not a slob. That no longer applies. It somewhat depends on where they went to school, but we have become much more casual. There is a trend going on in corporations to desire people with better manners. ... Bad manners are bad business," Vosefski said.
Vosefski said that one of the reasons for the change in etiquette is fast-paced lifestyle of American culture.
"Our culture has coarsened. I do not like what our culture represents anymore," she continued.
"We seem to have become a nation who eats out of paper bags instead of sitting down and having a wonderful meal together. Part of that is because Mom isn't home cooking. Somebody else is in front of the TV set. Everybody is allowed to be sloppy. No one has to sit straight with good posture or do anything that they used to have to do when people would get together. Sloppy seems to have become acceptable," Vosefski said.
Still, Vosefski receives ardent admiration when she tells people that she teaches etiquette.
"When anybody asks me what I do and I say I have an etiquette school, the response I get is, 'Oh I am so glad, people are so rude today. Everybody knows somebody that needs it," Vosefski said.
Vosefski said manners are needed in every sphere of life, from table manners to introductions, to how you meet people and what you say to a stranger; knowing when to stand up or when to sit down.
One thing that all etiquette instructors agreed on was manners is about much more than knowing where to sit or stand: it is about respect.
"Being mannerly makes you a better person, more relaxed and confident, less nervous and insecure. And it pays off big dividends socially. It's easy to like someone who's an all around nice guy. Treating others with respect shows you respect yourself," Thompson said.
Published in the The Courier News - July 07, 2007
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